You kick things when you're angry,
You Dox things when you're bored.
But in the world of love,
You've left much unexplored. (get it, cause you're currently single)
You can't be called a racist, or bipolar, or a drunk,
Cause the fact is you hate everyone equally, as if we all were skunk.
But if you should ever need a friend to hug, kick, or punch,
I know a wimpy kid down the street, and then we'll go get lunch.
-Happy Valentines day to my buddy Matt. You won the competition so here's your poem. xD
It's that time of year again. The time when single people post nothing but 'I'm so lonely' facebook statuses and when those with significant others pretend like they wrote a completely original 'I love you so much' status that is actually cut and paste from google. Personally, I'm indifferent about Valentines Day, or better known as 'National Stimulate the Economy Day Through the Purchase of Chocolates and Hallmark Cards Day'. It is a very black white sort of holiday that can either really suck or just be alright. Being single on Valentines Day is pretty bad. But being that kid that never gets any sort of card or candy in elementary school even when the rule is to share with everyone but the dumb self esteem destroyers claim they forgot your card, is even worse. It only gets worse in high school. Unlike elementary school where you at least get one from the teacher, there is a strong possibility that you will go home empty handed. So now not only do your fellow classmates refuse to be your Valentine, but so doesn't any of your 9 teachers. Turns out teachers just pretend to care about you until you hit high school. Then they turn into cold, heartless beings. But Valentine's Day doesn't always just suck for the single people. It can be just as devastating to those with significant others. You see, it sucks because the guy goes out, buys a card, gets some chocolates (that end up melted by the time the girl gets it), and then writes a 1 page love note in which he says 'I can't describe my love for you because it would take all the paper in the world' when in actuality he's just lazy. After all the work the emasculated man is only aiming for one and one thing only.... to show his love to his girl. No that's totally not true. Lets face it everyone, all the guy wants is to get laid. Back in elementary school the guy wanted a hug, in middle school he shot for that peck on the lips, and after his first BJ in high school he's all wound up and ready to get laid. So let me rephrase my original thoughts on this dreadfully sexist holiday. Valentine's Day is clearly a women's holiday. Men, don't expect to actually gain anything from it, whether you are a seasoned single man or a 'my balls are in her pocket' whipped piece of meat. We all need to accept that fact that it is a holiday for women. So women, if you happen to be single on Valentine's Day go out, find a nice poor sucker who's down on his luck, and make his day a little sweeter. Men, quite bitching about being single, it's probably your fault anyways. And on a final note, I write to a very special someone in my life. My dearest love, you have dealt with me for just about two years now. The best gift I could get you is either lasik to fix your eyes, or a one year membership to an AA meeting. That way you could get out of your drunk stupor and put your glasses on perhaps will realize that I am in fact not as hot as I look. But, until that day comes I'm glad you're mine. And I'd continue writing nice things about you but it would take up about a billion blogs and nobody would read them. Oh, and I am totally not like the other guys who only aim for one thing on Valentine's Day. I wouldn't try to sway you with cute love notes, a box of chocolates, and a 'Danny Dollar'. That "Danny Dollar" isn't a hint at getting to 'abuse' me (in a sexual sense). It is a completely innocent pass to get me to do something like give you a massage, or make you dinner, or even watch The Notebook with you and is in no way a hint at any sort of sexual innuendo... Unless of course, it would make you happy. Because again, Valentine's Day is just about making the one you love happy. ;)
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