Entry #3: Working Woes

So I had to work for the first time in a month tonight. For those of you who don't already know I am a delivery master... politically correct way of saying a Pizza Prostitute. If you didn't know that already get go get three ice cubes, a pack or mentos, a young bison calf, and... well I won't finish that though, use your imagination. Anywho, I was working tonight and it did nothing but solidify my disappointment with consumers nowadays. If you've ever worked before you know what I'm talking about. Consumers are literally the dumbest people in the entire world. I thought I got away from the lazy fat dumb ones when I left Mcdonalds. Oh how horribly wrong was I. You see, when working the drive through you only deal with idiots who think they're funny by "conning" you or ordering a beer in the drive through. Sometimes you get the occasional old guy who buys a coffee in the morning and refills it continually throughout the day and thinks he's real sneaky. But working as a delivery boy you see some shiz. I'll break you in easy. When I first started working there I thought "Oh awesome, I only have to put up with a few crazy people for three minutes max. Easy peasy." I was horribly mistaken. I deliver to a crazy cat lady once a week. The crazy part isn't what bothers me. What bothers me is when I knock on her door and she waddles over, opens the door but leaves the screen door closed and holds up the "please wait a moment finger." Lady its a screen door I could hear you if you talked! So from the start I'm already pretty agitated. However, it wasn't even the waiting that really bothered me, it was more the reason why she was holding up my life. She wouldn't open the screen because her dumb cat decided to sit right by it waiting for chance to escape her undying love. I don't blame the cat for wanting a way out. In fact, if I were that cat I (apart from being allergic to myself) would position a Twinky over top of hot stove so that when she tripped she would flip over the pot of boiling water and it would fly into the air and, by any grace of God, boil me alive. A cat can only dream. So to wrap up an experience that actually lasted about 20 minutes which consisted of the women saying "Pudding move" "Pudding you can't go outside" and "Pudding go back to Mommy's bed." That was one of the stupid people I had to deal with on a weekly basis. Oh did I mention that it's always conveniently 40 below zero when I deliver there and she insists on making me wait outside for Pudding to move. Excuse me, I am in the wrong here folks. I should really have more patience. Speaking of patience, could horny american teens please be patient when waiting for their pizza? A golden rule for ordering a pizza for delivery: Wait to have sex until after the pizza gets there. You'd be surprised how common it is for me to walk up to a door that has a very pretty window thats WIDE FREAKING OPEN! Yes I can see you two dry humping the hell out of each other with just your underwear on. That can lead to hip problems in the future not to mention mental scaring it causes the innocent delivery boy who is so kindly bringing you food to recharge your "batteries." If you are unable to wait for the food to get there at least don't send your boyfriend to pay and get the food because at some point he won't be able to hide his erection because he needs two hands to carry the pizza. I'd much rather have the girl take the food from me. Just a personal preference. So next time you order a pizza and then suddenly get horny as hell just remember, the pizza delivery boy has feelings too. (take that as you may... if you know what I mean.)